Let people know what they can do to help you during your recovery time. This may be something as simple as asking them to be there for you when you’re having a difficult day. You do not have to go through this alone!

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friends

A person you love has been the victim of a violent, brutal attack that has temporarily stripped them of all personal power. Your friend may be terrified and have feelings of helplessness, which are perfectly normal responses. Your friend needs time and support to work through her/his feelings. If your friend does not want to report the assault to the police, encourage them to receive medical attention. For more information check out "What Should I Do?"

If you are a guy and a friend tells you they’ve been raped, go to "Guys" to find out how you can help.

• Believe your friend’s experience without question. Don’t blame your friend. Whatever the circumstances, your friend WAS NOT looking or asking to get raped. Remember, they have just been through an extremely painful, experience. If your friend is blaming herself/himself thinking: "If only I had done this or that differently, this wouldn’t have happened." Tell your friend: 1) "The rapist is the only one who is to blame for the rape," and 2) "You had no way of knowing what would have happened if you had done something differently. You very well could have been physically hurt or killed."

• Respect your friend’s fear. Rapists may threaten to kill the victim if they don’t do what they are told. Many victims fear for their lives. This fear doesn’t go away when the rapist does. It is real. Help your friend deal with it by finding ways to make them feel safer.

• Accept your friend’s strong feelings. Being supportive doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to do something. It means accepting your friend’s feelings and providing a feeling of warmth and safety. It may be as easy as hugging your friend without saying anything. Tolerate their moods; be there for them. Listen…

• Listen without making judgments or giving advice. Try to feel for what your friend is going through. Don’t criticize their feelings or actions. Your friend did the very best she/he knew how in a deadly situation. Your friend survived! Give your friend credit for surviving.

• Take care of yourself. In order to care about your friend, you may need to deal with some difficult emotions of your own. If you’re feeling rage, blame or feelings of loss yourself, you can be most helpful to your friend by finding ways of dealing with your own emotions. Examine why you feel the way you feel – are you angry because of your friend’s pain or is it because of selfish reasons? Anger is a normal, healthy response to a rape. Do you feel it is your duty to protect your friend at all times? If so, maybe the rape makes you feel like you failed. Remember no one can protect another person at all times without making that person a prisoner. The rapist is motivated by a need for power, control and the desire to humiliate and degrade their victim. Rape is not about sex. It’s about power and control. If you are having a difficult time with your own feelings, it may help to talk with a counselor.

• Take your friend seriously. Pay attention. This will help your friend validate their feelings. Rape can be a shattering experience. It may be months or years before your friend feels fully recovered. Recovery is a process of acceptance and healing that takes time. One of the most important factors in the recovery is how supported they feel by people around them. Your friend’s healing process may include counseling, support groups, and other professionals.

• Encourage your friend to not expect too much of themselves, take it easy, and be good to themselves as much as possible. This means you must not expect too much of your friend either. Life may seem a little dark to your friend for a while. Whatever brings some simplicity and light into their life will help.

• Stay with your friend for as long as they need you. One of the most upsetting feelings experienced by rape victims is the belief that they’ve lost their independence. For a while, many victims feel scared to be alone. This will pass with time, but in the mean time, be good company.

• Let your friend make his or her own decisions. Do not pressure your friend into making decisions or doing things they aren’t ready to do. Help your friend explore all their options. It’s very important to respect their privacy and confidentiality. Who your friend wants to talk to must be their decision, including whether or not they want to report to the police.

• Offer physical comfort and warmth if your friend wants that. Let your friend know that your feelings have not changed and that you will be there if they need a hug.

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guys

Did you know that guys can be victims of sexual assault, whether as children, teens or adults?  Sexual assault can be anything from unwanted sexual touching, exploitation, unwelcome sexual advances, or forced sex.  All of these can have an enormous impact on the guy victim. Yes, guys too can be victims of sexual assault. Sexual assault may include things like sexual touching, unwanted sexual advances, sexual harassment, and forcible sex.

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